This post will be slightly intriguing.

Please disregard that title.  This post is mostly just me rambling on about secrets and hidden places.

How many of the 3 or 4 people who actually read my blog had a secret place to hide things?  I had a few places where I shoved things I didn't want my mother to snoop through but only two of them are still in use:  Under my mattress and in a beat up Fuzzy Poster box.

Under the mattress was the original hiding place.  I shoved all of the depressing fan fiction I read back in "the day" (read: when I was 13 and obsessed with suicide.) I hid my journals, silly cards that I would write to boys that paid me the slightest bit attention in middle school, and things like that.  I actually lifted up my mattress recently and found pages of the story I was trying to shit out but never got the chance to really ever develop.  I sometimes wonder if I had the chance to go back and really work on it, would it be any good?  Probably not.  It was all about illegal dance clubs ala Dirty Dancing.  The climax was going to be an epic gun fight between the Tango dancers and the Strippers.  Which I totally thought was going to be awesome.  Maybe one day after I've got a solid job I'll try to breathe some new life into that stupid old thing.

The other place mentioned is the Fuzzy Poster box.  It was basically a cardboard box and lid covered in a rainforest Fuzzy poster.  I'm pretty sure I colored a butterfly on it and then labeled it my "Secret box."  That is were I hid all of my Boy's Love and Wicca paraphernalia.  Most of it has been liberated from the crumbling  box and are now either up at school with me or just chilling around in my room.  My mother very rarely goes into my room without me there.  It probably just depresses her that I'm not there anymore.  I no longer feel like I have to hide my interests or my hobbies from her and so... candles and incense are now strew about my room.  If she picked up one of the volumes called "Junjou Romantica", she would be shocked and confused by the men inside.  I feel like my room is no longer hiding as many secrets as it used to hold.  There are still some papers and magazines hanging about that old box:  my first issue of Cosmo, another similar magazine, my program from The King's Singers, old poetry and a few candles.

I have no real secret places up at school.  Occasionally, I'll keep things out in my car but that's just so annoying to try and use things.  My car is good for keeping things safe and away from me.  But my secret places were good for keeping things close yet out of sight.

Maybe next year I'll trust my living quarters enough to have a secret place.

This post is a bit melancholy

Not for any particular reason either.  Just the mindset of the creator I guess.  Which is strange:  I have a perfectly pleasant weekend full of theatre and good food and such.  And then it's like as soon as I get back on campus, everything goes straight back to that sluggish disgusting feeling again.  Not any one or anything in particular.  Just that heaviness of school I guess.

I'm really excited that there are only 4 weeks left of real classes.  Then comes dead week and then come finals.  I feel really good about my finals this semester.  I don't think any of them will be extremely difficult.  Then it just turns into the job hunt.  I think I have found a job working as a lifeguard at the YMCA in Wichita this summer.  I hope so anyway.  My phone told me that he called on Wednesday but for some reason didn't let me check the voicemail until Saturday.  So I gave him a call today and missed his office hours some how.  Hopefully they'll still have a position open.  If not, then the hunt continues...

I'm a little nervous about the job though.  They said they offer classes to get people to be certified but I don't know if I'm in good enough shape to do that anymore.  I suppose the way to fix this would be to go swimming every single night.  This would be an awesome plan if I actually could go swimming every night.  The only problem is finding someone to go with me.  I know I must sound really needy or whiny but I just don't want to go by myself.  Who would?  There would be no one there to push me and it would just be me trying my hardest to stay focused on something.  Good paying job or not, I don't think I could keep up with it if it was just on my own.

Cutting down on the junk food should help.  It might encourage me to eat more fruits and veggies and maybe go an exercise once in awhile.  Haha.  But seriously though:  I do miss fresh fruits and vegetables.  It's really hard to keep them around.  Oh well.  Maybe I'll be able to have more of them this summer.  Tomatoes are always better in the summer.

I've applied to be a mod for gijinka.tumblr in the hopes of actually finding some decent ones, not just pokemon and TMNT.  And fucking Hetalia Axis Powers.  :I  Maybe I'll be able to find some good ones.  Or maybe I'll just suck like I do at everything else haha.

It's almost 6:30 and I should probably eat something.  The last time I ate was like 10:30 this morning and my body is getting that terrible sensation like it wants food or something.

This post is an apology.

Because I should update this more often than every month or so.  With the my last post being nothing but a huge pic spam of things that make me feel human, I figured I should give you an update on what humanity has actually done for me recently.

This evening (this now being a few days later) I needed to clear my head.  I was just going to walk out to my car and sit and read for a bit but I ended up driving to a town called Lebo which is about 17 miles away.  It was there that I sat at the playground and read my book in the cold.  Before leaving I had texted Matthew, telling him that he should call or text me if he hadn't heard from me in a few hours.

I ended up coming back after about an hour and a half.  It was just what I needed:  some time out and about.  But now I'm back in the grind of things.  And I'm not sure how I feel about it.  I've only got 11 lines still... but I'm not quite sure if that number will increase or decrease.